my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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