Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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