You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
