just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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