You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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