when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
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I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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