I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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