And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
