I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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