I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
