in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
