we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
