he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
