I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
