she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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