I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
