after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
