yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
