You're completely useless in the revolution.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
