Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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