you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
