never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
