Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
