Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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