Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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