i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
