Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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