Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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