i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
