Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
