uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
