when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
