you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
