dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
