I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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