I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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