found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
