The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
