I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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