why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
