His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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