he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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