Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
