He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
