I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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