I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
