Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
