the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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