I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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