there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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