I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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