Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
