i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize