You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
