when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize