speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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