apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
