I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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